This is imbarassing, but they said I gotta have it.

So here we go:

Born in 1988.

Live in Doreen (I swear it's a real place, not a fantasy!)

Live with me mum.

Haven't seen me dad in ages.

Got a dog called Sandy.

Got a girlfriend called Sheree. (Who was most pissed off when I listed the dog first – but I've known
Sandy for longer... That didn't cut much ice!)

I work with me mate Crabs (not his real name, but there's a reason for that) (p.s. Crabs didn't mind being put down the list!)

Work as a Plumbers Mate and other Assorted Employment Oppertunities.

Like writin, smoking, footy, an me mates. Can't spell fer f**k.

Support Geelong.

Will give up the fags one day.

Feel like a right twit doin this ….

If you like, you can follow me on Facebook. I'll be happy to Friend you!

The Party
Hi. Yeh, uh, Hi! I'm Barry. Barry Dagman. Yeh. Yeh. Hi.
Yeh. We had a party at our place last night. At least I think it was our place. It started off at our place.
But when I woke up, I mean, I didn't recognise anything!
Which was not surprising really …
'Cos I'd fallen asleep in the washing machine. Yeh. Yeh!
I thought about it, and what I reckon is, It's that nice vibrating feeling … Uhhhhhhh! Uhhhhhhh!
An' then I had a smoke …… AAAhhhhh!
An, you know, that's a really PRETTY washing machine! Ya Know. Yeh!
An then Barry came in an …
That's not me – that's the OTHER Barry. But people often get us confused. They think that because HE'S Barry, & I'm Barry, We're like – TWINS!
And Barry wants to know where the toilet is, And I go "BA-RRY! You've been here since yesterday! You've drunk a whole slab on yer own And half a bottle of 'Beam. You must be BUSTING!"
An' he says: "No, not really. But you might need to empty your fish tank! Oh, and your Guppy's Got hiccups. Oh yeh! Frank's come out of the closet."
"Yeh? I didn't know he was gay?"
"No. No, I mean, he's come out of the closet … With Sharon & Kellie & Tarryn. Oh! An yer mum's spoodle's half pink?"
"Why's me mum's spoodle half pink?"
"Well, she was all pink, 'cos Shazza threw up on her. But it's okay, 'cos she managed to lick the back half off!"
Now, the funny thing is – she, the dog, looked half decent! That is, the back half looked decent, The front half looked crap! Well, not crap you understand – but anyway …
See, Raspberry Tequila's like … Like permanent marker! So I thought to myself, What was I gunna do about this?
I mean, this has real Marketing Potential!
Yeh. Yehhh! Iran. Irak. Saudi Arabia. Flog 'em some permanent markers (made under licence). Get the point (Licks finger) Colour me – Alcoholic! Ye –eh! Heh! Heh! Heh!
Then Mum came home And boy! Is she pissed! I mean she is Really Pissed!
I don't know what they get up to down at the seniors Scrabble Club,
But it took 5 of us to get her into bed! She kept yellin' she'd Really Scored! She got a 69! Best ever!
An' I thought, "Good One, mum. I know it's been a while, but, Do you need to tell EVERYONE?"
Then she yells: "I turned Phone Into Xylophone on a triple word line And scored 69!! Yaaaaayyy!!!
I haven't seen the old girl that happy since she got the Mint an the Marijuana mixed up.
Gotta go. Gotta date with the Westinghouse! Yeh!

Barry.